Thought She Cared

You may be pissed at me
You said you’d never hurt me
Is this your reality?
I never swore at you
And now you abuse me
Even hate me

Long after you wrote
And we exchanged words
We had made up and you agreed what I said,
but you left your previous harsh words
Now I am hurt, knowing you could have changed.

NINE means nothing to me
Don’t know what that means
I only feel awkward because it’s MSN.
Is it you writing or is it a trap?
And do I know if you're coming back to chat?

I’m back to where I was still loving you,
And you not liking me, because you do not understand,
You’ve never opened up or even showed your hand,
I’m am far to vulnerable and I will not give a damn,
Because you are really beginning to hurt me so.

I don’t care if you don’t answer me now,
I can be as pissed as you apparently are,
I can suffer your slings and arrows,
I can hurt deep inside,
But I know you have to read too much between the lines.
I never meant it how you took it

I’m proper fucked right now,
Because I have always tried to make it good
Always tried to do the right thing
But obviously not good enough!
I’m going back down the bar to have another pint!

AND IF YOU WROTE ME BEFORE WE MADE UP,
why did you not compensate? Or throw me a line,
instead make me wait all day and give me old news,
now cause me to be upset and really be confused,
Because I thought you cared, how foolish of me.

Now I can say, you can go fuck yourself.
You can keep your untold words and give them to someone else,
You meant so much to me and have done what you could not
Broken my heart and as if you could not… give a stuff.
I will return and look you in the eye, and hope that you
Grow out of what you have kept inside.

Please do not think, that I will fall and crumble
Or that I will cause you any trouble,
As I’ve always said and my words are very true
You will always hold a special place for me
In this sea of troubles……………

I have so much to say and I cannot break through
that exterior of yours, I am but flesh and blood,
I cannot carry on writing and continue to be mis-understood,
I will not sacrifice myself, to this pointless game,
where nothing is given in return, except a pocket full of shame!

Yet again I shed a tear, for someone so dear,
what the fuck am I doing, its only myself I am screwing.
I don't know what you want, nor wish to play your game,
just want to tell you sorry and that you missed out again.
I'd rather cry for forty nights and sail away to Jerusalem.

Hotel Room

Clean and tidy,
Floor is free of dust,
Mirror is smudge free,
On-suite bathroom full of musk,
As I spray on my deodorant,
Still not as happy as I should be.

Door is closed and locked,
Do not disturb, is all ripped up,
It’s my only guarantee that I’ll wake up,
The remote is all my own,
The TV lays dormant waiting for me to pay,

Freshly laundered sheets, a-crisp on the bed
Three additional pillows completely over the top,
I'm missing my bedroom chocolate,
Evening curtains have not been closed
What sort of person puts up with this?

Still I’m on my own in my double bed
No-one to answer to, can do what I said,
Even connect to the internet…
Write another letter, keep on working
Nah, turn on the telly, still not worth watching

Back to my love, tapping at keys
Mobile Reception never very clear.
Ears always burning, they must be talking,
Modern life today, brings no joy
Disjointed families and parenting by proxy.

Sleep never easy, unless fuelled by alcohol,
Or try listen to that Ipod with my favourite idol,
Still no good, breathe deep and think of her
Have sweet dreams and see her free
In my arms dancing and laughing…..

Brrrinnnng!!!! Brrrrinnng!!!
Alarm again! Snooze just another 5 minutes
Let me get back to her again,
You stole my dream, cut it out…..
Suppose, I should get up and get out...

Driving End

Setting off nice and easy,
catching up on latest news
ten more die, suicide bombing,
when will they take another view
doesn't look like it today.

country roads, I know them well,
meet rougue drivers give me hell,
speeding blind corners,
it strikes me, I wonder,
if my darling has similar encounters.

thoughts pass me by
struggling to stay awake,
foot down to accelerate,
need to carry-on,
mustn't be late.

On, Off, Green, Red
shake my head,
fan up to cold,
need my bed
Don't be careful, will be dead.

Driving for parking place,
need one desperately
gonna lose this race
will my mortality
end up in space?

one mile to "P"
must continue ahead
don't lose concentration
big truck overtaken
slip into slumber...
will I awaken.........?

Blue Cloud

dark and light
heavy and bright
low and breezy
it's never easy

squawl once more
across the floor
our flimsy shelter
never felt better

tuck in, tuck in
never give in
maintain the masquerade
food on parade

foals play in the rain
frolic and dance
joyous to eat
the luscious green grass

sopping wet and happy,
I wish I could be
silence inside
you oh so near to me

look up with another
something a'new
a bright cloud comes into view
why is it so different?
Why is it blue?

mistaken identity
looks like sky to me!
full of hilarity
we all share the joke
its at you, fun we poke!

Nonsense

No regrets,
No anger
No pain,
No tree
No weather
We all love the same

Be cool
Be fresh
Be lively
Be happy
Be sumptuous
We all love tasty food

Oh Joy
Oh fear
Oh bollox
Oh dear
Oh Poo
What a nonsense verse

Can I complete this?
Can I make it happen?
Can I feel your body?
Can I be in heaven?
Can I have you for a day?
Will you ever let me satisfy my craving?

Ever so greedy
Ever not so needy
Ever so fiesty
Ever so non reality
Ever so come on get me
Why do we not achieve what we should?

Come on believe me
Come on I can make you happy
Come on you know I speak the truth
Come on we are brilliant
Come on, come on, come on
Who is he to be so desperate.........?

Will be want
Will be peace on earth
Will be dry waters
Will be random thoughts
Will be propagated by sex
Where is the truth in these words?

Dead End…

Bliss

One for you, two for me
I eat them up, so greedily
You savour yours in cranberry,
You make a pile, on your belly
Eat them up, if you still fancy me

On your front anticipating
Can’t wait for the first drip
Ice cold and wet, warm and soothing
Give it to me now
Or I’ll scream off my head.

The touch of an angel
Fairy and light, give me a kiss
And we’ll make love all night
Just like the first time
And never the last….

Every room of our house
Has felt our presence
Every room in the house
Has our love essence
Bliss oh wonderful lustful bliss.

You are and I

The tree, that tree!
Full of greenery,
It’s branches so broad
It separates you and me

Perfect for camouflage
I sit in its branch
Get out my goggles
And give you a glance

Undress at the window
Body naked to all
I’m the only one who see’s you
Jump! I’ll catch your fall.

Here in my arms
Body so warm and tender
Waiting to give you something
Just not so slender…..

In the heat of passion
You shout out my name
Pull me closer to you
And say lets do it again!

Warm summer’s evening
Laying in the hay,
Beautiful to watch
You slumbering away

A time n’er to forget,
Regret, or miss
Just a single moment
Where everything is bliss

Once only and never
A million to one union
A new star in the universe
born with no illusion

A thought or physical memory
Who can decide?
Where does it all lead to?
Lets just be happy inside!

the tree, the tree
never can it divide
never will I lose you
never will you be my bride

look in the mirror
do not turn, run or grimace
smile and be joyful
you are who you are...And I

My real dad

I look into your eyes
you look into mine
I recognise you
you recognise me
like the branches of the great tree
we are truely family.

No regrets, of time not spent
no familiarity or ill-feeling contempt
but how comfortable it is
to be back home, with the father you lost
now we'll never be alone.

At ease in one anothers presence
no need for gifts and presents
the atmosphere is comfortable
with some broken conversational
this couldn't be any more natural
Is it really forty years?

"ähnlich" is so similar
in all that we have done
or we are going to do
how incredible this feeling
no more 'mind that gap'

what a wonderful feeling
to know where you are from
to get an understanding
of what its like to be with your son.
I'm a lucky child with a proper.... dad.

Love Sick

I look into your eyes and
I'm screaming inside and
I'm hurting.....
I can't show you my feelings.

I want to give you more
than these few words
and slight touches which
are so beautiful, I want so-oo much more.

We all look at the stars and
I brush past your back
feeling your warmth, how
unbearable is this that!

fuck, fuck, fuck
..........
And its just not about that!!!
though would be very nice....

It was so good close to you....
so good to feel you....
so lovely looking into your eyes,
so loving just sharing those pains together,
so bloody lovely................

how can I survive,
this endurance ride
where no-one knows, but us?
you're driving me crazy!!!
And in such a good way!

I'm being dragged away
how can I remain sane
floating high on seeing you
only consolation was
saying goodbye and hugging you....

Pollution

standing on the beach of life
looking out beyond the shore
slowly moving cargo ships
where have they been before?

disappearing ocean revealing muddied sand
exposing earths weaknesses
filthy toxic rubbish, dumped by man
why are we not sorry for what we have done

moon working overtime as it changes hands
sun moving lower down to dodge the darkening clouds
now walking the darkness on this distant land
my heart is crying, please come and hold my hand

what is our fate and where are we going?
how can we rectify these wrongs?
would it be sane if we could manage to change
our overated politian's and business mens brains.

our children grow older with disease as the norm
ailments are many in our worlds hailstrom
an economic price for our need to progress?
when will we learn from our own stupidness?

I cling to new hope show my kids some more
of what the earth was like, in a time before
sowing a seed which nurtures their need
to carry on teaching and hopefully succeed.

I Win, You Lose

Remember all those games we played,
when we would txt each other,
Whilst lying here in my bed,
with my betrothed and you another?

Coming back from the party,
the buttons are keenly pressed,
I begin with humorous intentions,
and send you my first txt.

you txt me back so swiftly,
catching me off my guard,
I quickly turn phone to silent,
so as not to raise alarm.

words fly back and forth,
your intention is to win,
to see who can remain awake,
neither wanting to give in.

our partners now sound asleep,
breathing deeper than before,
how I wish, I'd got out of bed
and given you a call.

pausing, waiting for a response,
I foolishly close my eyes,
drink beginning to take its toll,
I sadly fall by the wayside

I awake in the morning,
long after the birds have fed,
only to find two unread txt's
in which the last one said,
I win, you lose!!!

Dreams

How do you dream?
What do you dream?
Where do you dream?
Why do you dream?

Maybe with my eyes wide open
when I'm staring at you
Maybe when reading the latest review
Maybe when I slept last night
you crept into my bed
Maybe you'll remain a fantasy
I hope you never lose your head.

Beach's and rain,
forest and sun,
mountains and water,
so much fun,
laughter and tears,
cooking and hugs,
fears of dying
and my dog pug,
you in the bath,
me in the shower,
a knock at the door,
now I must run,
sinking in sand,
unable to breath,
a force 10 gale,
know I must leave,
sing to the fire,
capture the moth,
waving goodbye,
now I am lost,
cradle a koala,
stroke your fine hair,
keep me insane,
how do I dare?
More desperate than ever,
come up for air,
breath breath,
these are my dreams,
drowning in despair.

An unconscious thought floating out in space,
captured by a moment, without a single trace.
Appearing like a mirage, so beautiful in grace,
A distant painful memory, should be a happier place,
times are a changing, its hard to keep up pace,
stamina always a weakness, now I've lost the race.
I'm gone from your memory, do you recognise my face?
Dream another dream, running, catch its trailing lace,
Ooh that's so much better, glad its been replaced!

(Unfinished)

Bad day at the office

Should never have made eye contact,
or exchanged that knowing glance,
why didn't I say goodbye,
or tell you to get lost,
or leave it as it was,

Instead, here you are,
you burrowed into my head,
feeding off my thoughts,
excreting fear and dread,
I do not eat, have not smoked,
I cannot kill the beast,
trying to starve the demon,
seems only to make things worse.

up and down, around and around,
she's eating me alive,
what poison can I administer
to remove it from it's hive?

the guilt is quite un-bearable
and if ever to be discovered
would wreck our daily lives,
Though nothing ever happened
not even a stolen kiss, the
thought that I should tell
someone is very easy to miss.

This duel, with me a prisoner
against the mighty beast,
shall I fight it, tame it
or just accept defeat?
There is no escaping,
I run and cannot hide,

My soul inside is crying,
you fucked with my mind.
I need a resolution,
searching for hope I cannot find,
there's no daylight in the lair,
I am wondering around blind,
falling into a corner,
of an undiscovered room,
and finding peace and quiet,
only to be consumed......

Eaten by the ghost of guilt,
shouldn't I have lived much longer?
my destiny really this short?
I hope we can barter?
What deal will be struck?
do I actually have a choice?
Or am I very fucked?

Some light! shining on my face,
my eyes are hurting,
my eyes start searching,
the rescue party,
to save me from disgrace?
or more foul demons,
my torturers with fire?
ensuring no escape,
the punishment and hardship,
of everything I deserve.

I will never break my bonds,
that is my solemn promise,
please release me from these chains
and shackles, I promise to only serve.

Into sunshine,
Into sunshine,
enjoy, warmth on my back,
breath in new life,
breath in new life,
fill my lungs with delight,
What a nightmare journey,
a nightmare journey,
never to be repeated,
but where am I?
where am I?
Confused and with no way home,
I suffer being a castaway,
on an island all alone.......

Email

Tired and weary, the PC’s not scary,
It’s all I can do to stay awake,
Slumping over the keyboard,
What is that keyword?
Expecting a message from someone.

The application’s awake and
Ready for receive, go check again,
There must be a mistake
Or some kind of delay.
Oh! I lost mime sweeper again.

The hard disk is conversing
With internal memory,
The network lights, they flicker!,
New hope, but still no ding-er.
Where’s her message reminder?

My hands are warm,
My feet grow cold,
The chill is rising now,
The room is dark and
My face reflects,
I’m getting impatient now.

Where is my message?
The answer to my question,
Will she meet me late tonight?
And without hesitation?
Frustration! frustration!

Boiling to anger,
The laptop leaves the room
At fifty miles an hour.
Passing through the window
Leaving a satisfying shower…….

The Office Plant

Where is the beauty in this flourescant landscape?
Where is the sunlight I totally depend on?
Where is my freedom to grow as I please?
Where is my water? have I been forgotten?
Air-conditioned atmosphere, my insides are going rotten.

Fag buts and tea dregs, make it to my guts,
No one gives a damn, about my fading looks,
Where are my bee tenders to fertilise my flower,
Will I ever chance to mate, in amongst these towers,
Or should I perhaps accept my fate and
the occasional golden shower!

Internet Love

Before, I could not drive you out of my mind,
maddening me, not being able to make love to you.
Now, I'm very excited, like a little child, waiting for a toy.
I've been waiting for this moment, all of the day,
eagerly waiting, time to pass and leave my work behind
and make love to you with my words and caress with my thoughts.
Climaxing on the 'send' button, delighted and overjoyed.
Flying through the ether, getting high on breath of life,
I feel so much more fulfilled today than on this previous night.
You are my darling friend right now and I thank you for my mind,
I hope, as you are reading this you feel it deep inside,
Now I'd like to playfully spank you and give you one from behind
or maybe just a cup of tea, just like the other night!!!

No Time For Me

Time, is immaterial
Time, has no substance
Time, is a gutless wonder
Time, is no consequence

Does it heal my wounds?
Or help the trees grow?
Does it mend my broken heart?
Or help the rivers flow?

Time is a memory,
Time is a pain,
Time I should go to bed
Dictated not to be late again.

How hard to comprehend,
Its passage age’s us,
It can never take your beauty,
It can never destroy us.

Time has built-in patience,
Time wasting a crime of now,
Time waiting for no-body,
Time! can you catch me? how?

All is dark and Time is still
He doesn’t move a muscle,
If I could recapture it,
I bloody well, will.

Sadly now it’s over,
There is no more to give,
For Time has officially ran out
And I’m thrilled to bits.

Alcoholic's Lesson

Crazy, crazy, days
In my delicious haze
Not knowing what is right
When we play our games.

Drink to your stupor
Drink to your gin
Drink til you forget every-thing
Never want to do it again!

Did you touch me last night?
Were you with me in mind?
I can’t stand losing memories
Memories I want to find!

Drink not to be sober
Drink to get drunk
Drink in the day time
Why don’t I give a fuck?

Why did you leave me?
Where did you go last night?
I wanted to talk, let’s fix it
Sorry I started the fight

Drink, the devil in me
Drink determines my life
Drink comes and takes me
How will I survive?

Crazy, crazy, days
So bitter in many ways
I’m gonna do you a favour
And let you go away.

Drink is dead
Drink is gone
Drink dry for two month now
Please come on home hun.

Please came back for my sake
I know, I was too late
Where are you, my lover?
Can you get over your hate?

Drink has wrecked us
Drink has stolen my home
Drink made a fool of me
I’ll never be alone

I have more memories now
It’s the sentence I can’t bare
Here inside my prison cell
No drink and no-one cares!